Though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm

Well we heard from the worker today and it wasn't at all what we expected. A lot of new twists have developed and we have to wait for them to play out. It seems as the name of our blog is rather fitting. If only for a short time...our days with this sweet boy may be numbered. My heart is absolutely breaking. I spoke to the worker today during my planning and I have been a mess since. We have been told so many promising things and it proves you just never know. What everyone expected did not play out and what was at least a 6 month placement could change to any day now.  It has been a very emotional afternoon and evening.
I truly want what is best for this sweet boy and I just have to trust. I have to trust that he is going somewhere where he will be loved, safe, and cared for. I have to trust that for whatever reason, we were not meant to be his forever parents. Even though we do not understand right now, this is part of God's plan.
I have so many different emotions and it's very difficult to sort through right now. I'm devastated, heartbroken, confused, frustrated, angry, scared but also very thankful. My heart is breaking thinking about not having this precious baby to snuggle and love. I'm confused and frustrated with the situation. I'm angry at what's happening and angry with the system. I'm scared for this baby and his life, I'm scared about how we will handle him leaving, I'm scared about how our families are going to deal with it.  I'm all of those emotions in one but I'm also thankful. At a time in this sweet baby's life where he may not have had the care he deserved, we were able to provide that for him.  I'm thankful that if only for a short time, we were chosen to be his parents. He has brought more joy and happiness to my  life than I  could have ever imagined.
The song that has played over and over in my head since the phone call is "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. The lyrics are very applicable to our situation and emotions right now. Here are the lyrics:

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to you

And you raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

We know that God will give us the strength we need to endure the emotions we are experiencing. We love this boy so much and thank God for allowing us to love on him. We pray that he has the best life possible no matter where he is.