Mixture of Emotions

We had a busy but wonderful weekend! Saturday night Tyler and I went out with my mom and step dad to celebrate my birthday and chunky monkey stayed with his Auntie. It took forever but we had great company and I knew our sweet boy was in good hands. Sunday was my first Mother's Day. It was an awesome day that was filled with tons of emotions. I was beyond thankful to receive a Mother's Day gift, Mother's Day cards, and lots of Mother's day texts and phone calls. I appreciated that I was still viewed as a mother and got to celebrate such a special day. I was so excited because it was my first Mother's Day and I got to spend it with my awesome husband, a very special little boy, and family. I was also very sad. Throughout my day I had a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I think I cried as much as much as I smiled. It was a very bittersweet day. I had the joy of celebrating my first Mother's Day but the harsh reality of knowing he isn't mine forever. We had visit which is always difficult but it felt like a knife to the heart on my first Mother's Day. 

Yesterday we celebrated my birthday along with our sweet boy's four month birthday. He is such a blessing to us and I am thankful we got to celebrate another one of his "birthdays." Saturday will make exactly 4 months that we have had him. It seems like just yesterday we received the call that we could come get him!

I found this blog and loved this post. While I was reading it I couldn't help but feel like the author was in my head writing down my thoughts. It's amazing that someone I have never met shares such strong emotions that are so similar to mine. It's comforting to know that what I am feeling is normal and others struggle as well.

http://jasonjohnsonblog.com/blog/the-sovereignty-of-god-in-foster-care#.U3QSeVzfPwI

Having such an exciting but difficult weekend caused me to reflect on a lot. I spent a lot of time praying and just asking for clarity and strength. I reflected on life prior to our sweet baby boy and thought about the heartache we have already endured. Never once have I regretted taking on this challenge. There have been times that I have thought there would be easier ways that would cause so much pain but I know that is not God's plan for me. I was on Pinterest and these two quotes showed up. I had to smile because I knew I was meant to see them.

 

Our handsome boy is changing every day. He is laughing more and more and is so very curious. He is starting to study everything. It is so much fun to watch him learn. We read books every night and he loves to look at the pictures! He is starting to play more with his toys which is very exciting. He will pick things up and most of the time they go straight to his mouth. His teeth have not made it through yet but they are very close!

 If I can get it to my mouth it is going in! Check out the rolls on my arm!

 If there isn't something in my mouth, this is a common sight.

If there isn't something in my mouth, I'm not blowing bubbles, or drooling excessively I will show you my sweet, sweet smile!