Every Little Things Gonna Be Alright

Well the theme song of our house right now is "Every Little Things Gonna Be Alright." We received news today that really surprised us and not in a good way. Our sweet boy is now receiving more time and unsupervised visits with one parent. This is very hard to swallow. We knew when we signed up to do this that this was how it worked but it does not make it any easier. With them moving to unsupervised visits that means he is one step closer to going home. Typing those words just made my stomach flip and my heart race. We are experiencing so many emotions right now but trying to keep our focus on God and having faith that he is going to take care of all of us. We feel selfish for being sad that he is potentially going to be reunited with his birth parents, we feel angry because we have cared for this baby and they have done nothing, we are heart broken because for four months we have had the opportunity to love on this boy and anxious about what is to come. We have a list of questions a mile long but I don't think any answers we are given will take away our emotions. Right now we are just trying to process everything and really enjoy every single second we can with our precious boy. We ask for prayers for all of us and the situation. We pray for those that are in the position to make these decisions and that they are given clarity and see the situation as it truly is, we pray for his birth parents and that if he returns home they will make good decisions and give him the best life possible, and we are constantly praying for this innocent, sweet boy. We ask that you remember all of them in your prayers as well as us as we try to sort through all of the feelings we are experiencing.

Mixture of Emotions

We had a busy but wonderful weekend! Saturday night Tyler and I went out with my mom and step dad to celebrate my birthday and chunky monkey stayed with his Auntie. It took forever but we had great company and I knew our sweet boy was in good hands. Sunday was my first Mother's Day. It was an awesome day that was filled with tons of emotions. I was beyond thankful to receive a Mother's Day gift, Mother's Day cards, and lots of Mother's day texts and phone calls. I appreciated that I was still viewed as a mother and got to celebrate such a special day. I was so excited because it was my first Mother's Day and I got to spend it with my awesome husband, a very special little boy, and family. I was also very sad. Throughout my day I had a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I think I cried as much as much as I smiled. It was a very bittersweet day. I had the joy of celebrating my first Mother's Day but the harsh reality of knowing he isn't mine forever. We had visit which is always difficult but it felt like a knife to the heart on my first Mother's Day. 

Yesterday we celebrated my birthday along with our sweet boy's four month birthday. He is such a blessing to us and I am thankful we got to celebrate another one of his "birthdays." Saturday will make exactly 4 months that we have had him. It seems like just yesterday we received the call that we could come get him!

I found this blog and loved this post. While I was reading it I couldn't help but feel like the author was in my head writing down my thoughts. It's amazing that someone I have never met shares such strong emotions that are so similar to mine. It's comforting to know that what I am feeling is normal and others struggle as well.

http://jasonjohnsonblog.com/blog/the-sovereignty-of-god-in-foster-care#.U3QSeVzfPwI

Having such an exciting but difficult weekend caused me to reflect on a lot. I spent a lot of time praying and just asking for clarity and strength. I reflected on life prior to our sweet baby boy and thought about the heartache we have already endured. Never once have I regretted taking on this challenge. There have been times that I have thought there would be easier ways that would cause so much pain but I know that is not God's plan for me. I was on Pinterest and these two quotes showed up. I had to smile because I knew I was meant to see them.

 

Our handsome boy is changing every day. He is laughing more and more and is so very curious. He is starting to study everything. It is so much fun to watch him learn. We read books every night and he loves to look at the pictures! He is starting to play more with his toys which is very exciting. He will pick things up and most of the time they go straight to his mouth. His teeth have not made it through yet but they are very close!

 If I can get it to my mouth it is going in! Check out the rolls on my arm!

 If there isn't something in my mouth, this is a common sight.

If there isn't something in my mouth, I'm not blowing bubbles, or drooling excessively I will show you my sweet, sweet smile!

Sunshine

Isn't it amazing what sunshine and warm weather can do? It just makes me so happy and I am so thankful. It's amazing looking at the flowers blooming, listening to the birds chirping, and feeling the warm sunshine. We also have our special sunshine that brightens our days. Our favorite song is "You Are My Sunshine" and we always get sweet smiles when we sing it.
We have had a busy week but a wonderful week filled withs special visits. On Thursday night we got to have dinner with two friends who are also fostering. Our precious boy was surrounded by girls but I'm sure he was loving it. We were thankful for the time together, the opportunity to share our experiences, and to show off our babies. Thankful for great friends!
This weekend Tyler's parents came up to visit. Tyler and his dad spent lots of tiring hours working on a new deck so we can enjoy this beautiful weather. Tyler's mom helped a ton around the house and with the sweet boy and I am beyond thankful for that! We loved getting to visit and appreciate their help more than they know!
It's hard to believe next week I will be celebrating my first "Mother's Day', a birthday, and our sweet boy will turn 4 months old on the same day! It will also make 4 months that we have had this precious blessing in our life. We are beyond blessed!
Our sweet boy is cutting teeth and has had some congestion. It breaks my heart to see him not feeling well. We ask for prayers for him and that he feels better soon!
We are still constantly in "limbo" which can be frustrating at times but we have also slowed down a lot and really treasure each day we have. We know that God is in control and it is in his timing. We take comfort in knowing that He has plans for us far greater than we can imagine. I keep this picture on my phone and when I am having a bad day I always look at it, it's a great reminder!