As I am writing this I am looking at toys on the floor, baskets of laundry waiting to be put away, I know there are dishes waiting to be cleaned but all I am worried about is this precious boy in my arms sleeping. I know he should be in his bed but this momma is struggling and everything feels right when he is in my arms. Tomorrow is the first day of school for me. Tomorrow all of the mess will still be here but my boy will not be in my arms snuggled. We have been transitioning to daycare and he has done awesome. I know he is loved and they take great care of him but I like him right here with me. I know that one day my sweet boy won't want to be snuggled and I want to soak up every single second I can.
The situation is still crazy and an important date has come and gone. This date would determine a lot but the person did not follow through. Now everything is up to someone else and I hope they are aware of the importance. I know this is vague and I apologize for not being able to disclose more. We ask for your continued prayers.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
What Would You Do?
I looked at the clock this morning and panicked because I didn't hear our sweet boy. I searched frantically for the monitor to check on him and then I remembered...he isn't here. My heart instantly sank as I remembered I won't get my morning snuggles and my day won't be started with his sweet smiles. I tossed and turned last night wondering if he was ok . I was so tired but my mind wouldn't rest. I started praying because I knew God was with our sweet boy and would give me the strength I needed. Our God is truly an awesome God!
Each time we think we cannot be surprised anymore something happens to change our minds. I am constantly asking "What would you do?" I have continued to ask that question and take each answer to heart and truly consider everything I am told but I have started asking, "What would I want someone to do for me?" I have had to put myself in our sweet boy's position and think about my future and think about what I would have wanted someone to do for me. This sweet boy is helpless and I have to be his voice. I have to fight for him, his rights, and what's best. That's what I would want someone to do for me. I don't ever want to look back and think I could have done more. This sweet boy deserves the world and while he is with me I will make sure he has it.
School will be starting soon and I am trying to enjoy every single second I can. I am so sad thinking about not spending every day with him. We have been so blessed to have the summer together and I am so thankful we have had so much time together. I love this sweet boy more than I ever knew I could love someone. I see God working in our situation daily and I know he isn't finished with us yet!
Keep Praying!
Each time we think we cannot be surprised anymore something happens to change our minds. I am constantly asking "What would you do?" I have continued to ask that question and take each answer to heart and truly consider everything I am told but I have started asking, "What would I want someone to do for me?" I have had to put myself in our sweet boy's position and think about my future and think about what I would have wanted someone to do for me. This sweet boy is helpless and I have to be his voice. I have to fight for him, his rights, and what's best. That's what I would want someone to do for me. I don't ever want to look back and think I could have done more. This sweet boy deserves the world and while he is with me I will make sure he has it.
School will be starting soon and I am trying to enjoy every single second I can. I am so sad thinking about not spending every day with him. We have been so blessed to have the summer together and I am so thankful we have had so much time together. I love this sweet boy more than I ever knew I could love someone. I see God working in our situation daily and I know he isn't finished with us yet!
Keep Praying!
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Jeremiah 29:11
We survived our first overnight. It was as horrible as I had expected. When your whole life revolves around one precious angel and then they are not there you just feel lost. I held it together all day on Friday until it was almost time to take him. I stood in the kitchen holding my sweet boy and sobbing as Tyler had his arms wrapped around both of us praying. We could not wait to get him back home with us and neither of us wanted to put him down.
As the end of summer is coming we are both a mix of emotions. We have gotten used to having all day with our boy and now our time will be limited. We haven't even started school and I am ready for a day off so I can snuggle! We know it will be good for all of us to get back into a routine but who doesn't like staying in their pjs and playing with a precious baby!
I often say that we are constantly praying for our hearts to be prepared and for peace. As I clicked through Pinterest yesterday both of these showed up.
Last night after laying our sweet boy down for bed I really started thinking. How do you prepare your heart for heart break? How do you have a peace about one of the biggest blessings in your life going away? How do you go back to life as it once was? How do you hold it together when you are falling apart? Life just feels right with him in it. Our family feels perfect just the way it is. We know that God is working in the situation and in all of us. We know that He will give us the strength we need and answers in His time.
This sweet boy has turned our world upside down and in the best way possible. He brings a happiness to my life that I never knew existed. His sweet smile and giggle makes the worst day the best. His snuggles make me want to freeze time and stay like that forever. The first moment that I saw him I was in love and he had stolen my heart. 6 months and 12 days later, that love is even stronger then I could have imagined.
If only for a short time, this boy has been loved more than he will ever know. He has been prayed for by people that have never had the opportunity to meet him and has made us happier than we thought we could ever be.
Jeremiah 29:11 is the verse we continuously turn to and we know that God has plans to prosper all of us! Keep praying!
As the end of summer is coming we are both a mix of emotions. We have gotten used to having all day with our boy and now our time will be limited. We haven't even started school and I am ready for a day off so I can snuggle! We know it will be good for all of us to get back into a routine but who doesn't like staying in their pjs and playing with a precious baby!
I often say that we are constantly praying for our hearts to be prepared and for peace. As I clicked through Pinterest yesterday both of these showed up.
Last night after laying our sweet boy down for bed I really started thinking. How do you prepare your heart for heart break? How do you have a peace about one of the biggest blessings in your life going away? How do you go back to life as it once was? How do you hold it together when you are falling apart? Life just feels right with him in it. Our family feels perfect just the way it is. We know that God is working in the situation and in all of us. We know that He will give us the strength we need and answers in His time.
This sweet boy has turned our world upside down and in the best way possible. He brings a happiness to my life that I never knew existed. His sweet smile and giggle makes the worst day the best. His snuggles make me want to freeze time and stay like that forever. The first moment that I saw him I was in love and he had stolen my heart. 6 months and 12 days later, that love is even stronger then I could have imagined.
If only for a short time, this boy has been loved more than he will ever know. He has been prayed for by people that have never had the opportunity to meet him and has made us happier than we thought we could ever be.
Jeremiah 29:11 is the verse we continuously turn to and we know that God has plans to prosper all of us! Keep praying!
Friday, July 25, 2014
Changes
Our sweet boy went for his well check this week. He weighed in at a whopping 19 pounds 11 ounces! The doctor said he was perfect as we already knew. He is ready to move but still can't quite figure it out. He is not giving up though!
Every night since January 17 we have went to sleep as a family of 3. Tonight will be our first night going to bed without our sweet boy here. Tomorrow morning we will not wake up to his precious "talking," we will not see his sweet smile when we go into his room, and we will not get our morning cuddles. Tonight he will have his first overnight visit. We have so many emotions and thoughts about this but we are handing them over to God. He will keep our sweet boy safe and will give us the strength we need. He has not even left yet and we are more than ready to get him back home.
Every night since January 17 we have went to sleep as a family of 3. Tonight will be our first night going to bed without our sweet boy here. Tomorrow morning we will not wake up to his precious "talking," we will not see his sweet smile when we go into his room, and we will not get our morning cuddles. Tonight he will have his first overnight visit. We have so many emotions and thoughts about this but we are handing them over to God. He will keep our sweet boy safe and will give us the strength we need. He has not even left yet and we are more than ready to get him back home.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
We Won't Be Shaken
If you haven't noticed I always have a song that I associate with my mood, events of the day, or just a song playing in my head that is applicable to life at that moment. The song of the night is We Won't Be Shaken by Building 429. It has been on repeat since I got an email from the social worker regarding court. Court did not go the way we had hoped but we still have complete faith and trust. We know that with what occurred today he is one step closer to returning home. We pray that if him returning home is part of the plan that God prepares our hearts and gives us the peace to know he is safe and where he needs to be. We will continue to love and devote ourselves to this sweet boy as long as we can.
After reading the email, we both became very down. We were out on a walk as a family and upon returning home we just sat outside on the swing. I was a mess and trying to talk about what I was thinking but of course it was difficult to understand through my tears. After sweet boy's bath tonight I just sat and snuggled him. He put his precious, chunky hands on my cheeks and kept giving me "kisses." He would look at me with his bright eyes and smile. I think he knew his momma really needed some extra snuggles tonight.
After reading the email, we both became very down. We were out on a walk as a family and upon returning home we just sat outside on the swing. I was a mess and trying to talk about what I was thinking but of course it was difficult to understand through my tears. After sweet boy's bath tonight I just sat and snuggled him. He put his precious, chunky hands on my cheeks and kept giving me "kisses." He would look at me with his bright eyes and smile. I think he knew his momma really needed some extra snuggles tonight.
We appreciate all of the encouraging messages we received tonight. Thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray for everyone involved, especially our sweet boy.
Don't Wanna Miss A Thing
The Aerosmith song "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" is on repeat in my head this morning. I'm sure it was written for different purposes but it is so applicable to our life right now. Today is another court day and we should have a better understanding of how much time we have with our sweet boy. This day quickly approaches and has been looming over our heads for the past week. We always cherish our time with our boy but knowing it could be ending soon makes each moment that much sweeter. This morning instead of laying him down in his bed for nap time I decided to just hold him and snuggle. Instead of doing laundry this morning, I decided to stay right with him and play. Instead of washing bottles this morning, I decided to sit on the swing with him and sing songs.
Each night after reading our Bible stories we read our favorite book "Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You." I love this book and it is perfect for our situation. It starts by saying: "I wanted you more than you will ever know so I sent love to follow wherever you go." It ends by saying: "You are my angel, my darling, my star and my love will find you wherever you are." I hope this sweet boy knows that we will love him no matter where he is and that we will never stop thinking about him and praying for him. The selfish side of me hopes my love will just have to go across the hall to his room and not far away but I know that may not be the case.
We know that God is in control and will continue to work in this situation. We pray today and every day that whatever is best for our sweet boy happens and we are given the peace we need.
Sitting like my momma while we rock together. Relaxing on the swing this morning.
Each night after reading our Bible stories we read our favorite book "Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You." I love this book and it is perfect for our situation. It starts by saying: "I wanted you more than you will ever know so I sent love to follow wherever you go." It ends by saying: "You are my angel, my darling, my star and my love will find you wherever you are." I hope this sweet boy knows that we will love him no matter where he is and that we will never stop thinking about him and praying for him. The selfish side of me hopes my love will just have to go across the hall to his room and not far away but I know that may not be the case.
We know that God is in control and will continue to work in this situation. We pray today and every day that whatever is best for our sweet boy happens and we are given the peace we need.
Sitting like my momma while we rock together. Relaxing on the swing this morning.
I didn't want momma to lay me down either.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Pause
Do you ever wish you could pause certain moments in your life? In the midst of all of the craziness there are so many times I wish I could just pause time. This week I have had several of those situations and I just wanted them to last a few seconds longer. Our big boy doesn't like to be cradled anymore and it makes me so sad but there have been two times this week that he has wiggled his way down into my arms. I got to snuggle him and rock him like I did when we first brought him home and it was wonderful. There is nothing greater than his big eyes looking up and you and then slowly drifting to sleep. It truly makes you forget all of the crazy things that are happening. Another moment occurred tonight as I was snuggled in between my sweet boy and my awesome husband. It was completely quiet as we were on the swing in the backyard but it was a time that words were not needed. I just sat there thanking God for all of the blessings and a special thanks for the two boys I was sitting with.
We have had several ups and downs over the past week. There have been lots of tears, lots of prayers, and a lot of questions. I truly have the best husband who lets me cry whenever I need to and he always knows when to leave me and when to comfort me. Through all of my ugly cries and sobbing he proves to me time and time again why I married him. He quotes verses from the Bible in response to my questions and comments, he prays out loud for me as I am breaking down, and he holds me close and promises me that God has a plan for us and we are going to be ok. I am beyond thankful to have this man of God as my husband.
Our big boy will be 6 months old on Sunday. He is such a chunker and has a smile that will melt your heart. He has found his feet and loves to chew on them, he has found his tongue and sticks it out all of the time, and definitely knows how to use his voice. He jabbers and talks non stop! Just another reason we get along so well!
Please continue to pray for everyone involved in the situation. It seems as new information develops the crazier things become. We are enjoying every day we can with this sweet boy and pray they continue!
We have had several ups and downs over the past week. There have been lots of tears, lots of prayers, and a lot of questions. I truly have the best husband who lets me cry whenever I need to and he always knows when to leave me and when to comfort me. Through all of my ugly cries and sobbing he proves to me time and time again why I married him. He quotes verses from the Bible in response to my questions and comments, he prays out loud for me as I am breaking down, and he holds me close and promises me that God has a plan for us and we are going to be ok. I am beyond thankful to have this man of God as my husband.
Our big boy will be 6 months old on Sunday. He is such a chunker and has a smile that will melt your heart. He has found his feet and loves to chew on them, he has found his tongue and sticks it out all of the time, and definitely knows how to use his voice. He jabbers and talks non stop! Just another reason we get along so well!
Please continue to pray for everyone involved in the situation. It seems as new information develops the crazier things become. We are enjoying every day we can with this sweet boy and pray they continue!
My toes are so yummy!
Reading a Bible story with mom and dad.
Happy Fourth of July!
My two new additions, my first teeth!
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